Kindle
by genuinely maverick
Summary: Everything she does just tears him apart. Dragon nature is a finicky thing, really.
1. Spark

Everything she does just _tears him apart_. Dragon nature is a finicky thing, really.

**Kindle (_verb)_**

**1. to start (a fire); cause (a flame, blaze, etc.) to begin burning**

No one really thought of Natsu as a sexual being. To be fair, he _was _rather preoccupied with the guild and missions and food and finding Igneel. With all that stuff, it really didn't seem like dragon slayer had time for anything involving the horizontal monster mash.

But Natsu _was_ a man, despite his seemingly asexual tendencies and Lucy _was_ extraordinarily distracting with her tube tops and tiny skirts. The girl was practically walking sex. And hell if he didn't want her with every fiber of his being.

And hell if it wasn't driving him insane.

Igneel had told him it would be something like this. Like starving, like drowning, like burning alive. For the (admittedly brief) moments he had listened to his adopted father, Natsu remembers him describing the unbearable contradictions of mating. He'd never imagined it like this. Sometimes it felt like all he could do to keep himself from hauling Lucy off to some secluded corner and _taking her_ is to hold his breath and sometimes all he could think about the entire day is just holding her hand. He wanted to make her scream at the same time he wanted to make her smile and laugh. From the day he met her it had been this way- granted, it's gotten worse the longer he's had his mate _just out of reach yet so close_-but it's always been hard enough to try and keep her at arms length. Dragon nature is a finicky thing, really.

But try telling Grey that.

Natsu sank further into his seat, resting his head on the hard wood counter of the bar looking miserable. Grey sipped his drink, considering the sudden development.

"So Lucy, huh?"

Natsu couldn't force himself to look up, but he knew Grey was smirking. Frosty bastard.

"God that's sick," Grey continued when his guildmate didn't respond, "All this time gone by and you haven't even told her. All those missions you've been on, just the two of you. Poor Lucy. She'd probably be disgusted," he sounded so condescending. Natsu knew he was just mocking him, but that didn't make him feel any less crappy. He clenched his fists.

He had a tendency towards snap decisions, and bad ones at that. This was just another bad snap decision. He'd just wanted some man to man advice. He didn't need the guilt trip. He'd already spent everyday since he'd met the girl feeling awful about it. Leave it to Grey to bring the Shit Barge back to harbor.

"I guess I can't blame you," Grey said after a moment of much appreciated silence. Natsu snapped to attention at the sudden empathy. Was Grey actually going to be a bro about this? "I mean, she does have a really nice rack-"

In one swift movement Natsu had Grey slammed against the counter in front of him, one hand clenched around his neck in warning, the other in a white-knuckled fist at his side. The action went widely unnoticed by the partying guild members around them. The growl that ripped from Natsu's chest was a barely a whisper, a pin drop in the clamber of sound surrounding them. His eyes glazed over with a ferocity usually saved for the heat of impossible battles.

Grey frowned, seemingly unrattled by the sudden outburst.

"Let go," he said coolly. Natsu came back to himself, looking surprised at what he had done. He complied and they climbed wordlessly back into their seats.

Grey gulped down the rest of his drink. He looked to his guildmate. They fought regularly, but never had the man sitting next to him looked that downright bloodthirsty before. If he was being honest, he'd have to admit, that was pretty damn frightening. "That bad, huh?"

Natsu nodded. He should have just talked to Gajeel.

"Usually I can control it but..." he sighed, "It's instinct, y'know. Like every cell in my body just wants to keep her away from every other person."

"That's..." Grey considered it for a moment, "super creepy."

Natsu groaned, "I can't stop it. She's my _mate_, Snow Cone. Something's gonna give sooner or later."

"So, what, you're going to force her into wedlock?"

The pink haired mage looked down in shame at the snarky question. He sighed, running an exhausted hand down his face, "...or _something_," he breathed into his palm.

"God..."

"Shes my mate," Natsu said again, like the word would make the situation less horrible. Like saying it again would make him understand. Like saying it again would relieve Natsu of his conscience, help him overcome morality and take destiny by the horns. But it's just a fucking word.

"And what if she doesn't want it?" Grey asked defensively, "What then?"

Natsu didn't know how to answer that. Obviously Grey didn't want to hear the truth, but the pink haired Salamander figured that a lie would heed similar results.

"I dunno' " he settled on. It wasn't a complete lie.

There was very little Natsu really knew about dragon slayers and their mates. He knew they mated for life. He knew most slayers knew their mate upon first sight. He knew that if a mate refused a slayer, something bad would happen. He knew Lucy better accept her role as his before he snapped or exploded or worse. That was what had sparked this little heart to heart in the first place. He'd been struggling through this mess for years. He really was going to snap; this was the most he could handle. Something was going to give.

He wished he had listened more closely when Igneel was speaking, but he was young and not all that interested in the opposite gender at that point. He didn't really have the capacity to pay attention to _anything_, actually. He was kind of a brat.

"So, what now?" Grey wondered. There was a warning edge to his voice, like he was on the verge of a decision. Natsu wasn't sure if he was relieved or mortified that someone else knew what was up.

"... I dunno' "

Grey's eyes narrowed, "That's not gonna cut it this time, flame head."

Natsu had never felt less capable in his entire life. He wasn't used to strategy and thinking things through. It should be simple, anyway; no thought required. Claim your mate. Make lots of babies. Live happily ever after. But Lucy wasn't just some girl to be claimed. She was his best friend. His confident. His partner in crime. It was Lucy. Lucy was not a simple matter.

"I know," Natsu breathed, "I know."

* * *

><p>"This is torture," Lucy groaned as they limped back to their hotel.<p>

"Yeah," Natsu agreed. And good god it was.

The rain was viscous. They'd left the morning after Gray and Natsu's little pow wow. It started the moment they were out the door. Hadn't let up since.

This should have been an easy job (like _everything else_). Catch the bad guys, return some stolen goods and head home with minimal damage done. Unfortunately, they had been graced with a storm of biblical proportions, and that complicated things a bit.

It's not just that water is Natsu's opposite element, that being in a constant barrage of it had him feeling pretty crappy in the first place, it wasn't that his nose didn't work so great in the rain, which made finding these dumb thugs about ten times more difficult. It was that Lucy, beautiful, brilliant, stupid Lucy, was walking right next to him, drenched down to her pelt. Her clothes were nearly invisible. Through her white tank top, he had a clear view of her bra (pink with white lace, predictable) and he had to do everything in his power to hold himself back as he imagined peeling that wet nuisance off her, throwing her up against the nearest wall and...

Torture. He clenched his fists, making a mental note to buy the girl a decent shirt sometime in the near future. Or maybe a winter jacket. Something thick and padded and androgynous. Yeah. That'd do it.

It's gotten so much worse lately; everything she does just _tears him apart_. He knows he's slipping but he's got no idea how to deal with it.

They make it back to their hotel, drenched and thoroughly miserable. The man behind the front desk eyes them warily as they limp past him, getting mud and second hand rainwater all over his nice clean carpet. At least they caught the badies. At least they didn't destroy the _entire _town. The front desk man should be thanking them profusely for their good deeds.

When they get to their room Lucy immediately flings herself on her bed, not caring about getting things wet, "We should leave early, before the sun rises and it get's too hot."

Natsu thinks deciding the sun would shine the next day was a bit premature considering the disgustingly long storm they've been subjected to, but honestly he wouldn't mind it. They could both use a little sunshine after all this rain. He agreed anyway. The sooner they moved on from this hell hole the better.

She took a shower first and came out smelling like soap and cleanliness and a bit unlike herself. Natsu can almost feel her dreamy smile. He enjoyed being clean himself, but he was never as big a fan of the feeling as Lucy. She reveled in her cleanliness. Bath time was sacred to her.

He watched as she emerged from the bathroom, looking like a fairy princess or something equally as magical and mystifying surrounded by all that fresh steam. She looked down at him, sitting cross legged on the floor, dumbstruck by how simply beautiful she was. Lucy was always beautiful, but it was emphasized when she smiled at him like that, tired and relieved and exhausted and glad. He wanted to kiss her.

"Do you think Happy will be exited to see us when we get back?" she wondered, sinking down to sit on her legs in front of him.

Natsu frowned. "That traitor can spend the rest of his life alone with Carla, for all I care." Leave it to that dumb cat to ditch him with the object of his woes and the desperate urge to take her away and do _things_ to her.

It's really, very frustrating. Because he _liked_ Lucy, not just what she's hiding under her clothes. He liked to talk with her and laugh with her and tease her a bit and yet there's always this underlying _craving _distracting him from all of that. Was it always going to be like this? Was he always going to be this insane? Was he always going to want her like this?

"Oh go easy on him- he really likes her, you know that," she said.

He laughed, breathlessly, "Yeah," he said. And boy did he know what that's like. He figured he should have at least _some_ sympathy for the exceed, but, nope, he was feeling pretty annoyed with the furry little idiot at the moment and that greatly hindered his empathy skills. He rose to his feet, stretching so that his back popped in a way that made Lucy cringe. He laughed at the sight before heading into the bathroom for his own shower, ready to wash this whole crapshoot of a mission away.

When he get's out, he makes himself a little nest on the floor out of a few spare bed dressings. He didn't trust himself to be in the same bed as her anymore. He'd stopped his nighttime visits to her home weeks ago. Having a roof over his head was good enough- at least it kept out the rain. Besides, that dingy hotel bed could never be as good as Lucy's.

For a moment, he considered that maybe the reason he liked Lucy's bed so much is because s_he's in_ _it_, but immediately dismisses the thought, not quite ready for such a pathetic epiphany quite yet.

* * *

><p>They get back to the guild late in the evening, when a new night of partying is just getting started. They talk to a few people, just so word gets around that they've come home in tact and okay (for the most part). Lucy slipped away to chat with Levy. Natsu finally had a chance to drop his guard. <em>No more missions alone<em>, he tells himself, _No more Natsu-Lucy-alone-time_.

He feels a weight lift as he slumps into a barstool and calls to Mirajane for a glass of water. Gajeel flops into the seat next to him. Natsu glares. "What?"

"Bunny girl smells like you."

"So? We shared a room," Natsu was really not in the mood for Gajeel. Neither of them were really known for their patience. Natsu's eyes narrow in suspicion, "Why do you care?"

"Have you claimed her yet-"

"Don't say that! Just shut up!"

"Cool it, Hot Head. No one's gonna hear us talkin'," he considers the other dragon slayer for a moment, "You haven't made her yours yet, have you?"

Natsu was pretty sure he wasn't ready for another one of these conversations. He picked up the cup Mirajane had slid down to him, twisting it absently in his hands. "How did you find out?" he whispers.

"It's pretty damn obvious," Gajeel said, "What with the way you're always starin' at her. Everyone knows you've got blueballs for the girl."

Natsu sips his drink carefully, fighting through the welling anger, "_Shut up_."

"Just take 'er. She's pretty much yours already."

"It's not that simple," Natsu hissed, trying to put his cup down gently. Some water sloshes over the slides anyway.

" 'Course it is."

Natsu gaped at him, affronted, "Yeah? Could you do that to... to..." he said, fishing for a name, "Levy?"

Gajeel gave him a pointed look, then sighed at the blatant shock Natsu sported.

"No way," Natsu said, scanning the guildhall for the resident blunette. He spotted her, speaking animatedly with his own mate, "You didn't... _break her_?" He wrinkled his nose, trying to dispel any mental images of those two together.

Gajeel ignored the question, "It's gotta be done." He gets up to leave throwing one last shot over his shoulder, "Something's gonna' give."

Natsu vaguely remembered saying something just like that a few nights prior. He sighed as he watched Gajeel swagger over to Levy's table, throwing an arm around her shoulders as he sits down like it's the most natural thing in the world to do. Natsu looked to Lucy on the other side of the table, wondering if it really could be that simple.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So I love love love fics about the dragon slayers going into heat finding their mates and I thought I'd take a crack at it myself. This may or may not be continued, depending on if you guys would like to see more and if I have time between everything I've got going on this summer. Leave a review or hmu me if you'd like a continuation! If not, that's cool too. Thanks for reading! **


	2. Stutter

Natsu had been acting weird. Well, he was always acting weird, but this was a new level of strange. He was jumpy and twitchy and untalkative. And if Lucy didn't know any better, she'd say he was avoiding her.

But he wouldn't do that to her. _Right_?

The fact that they hadn't seen one another in five days since their return from the last soggy mission does raise some flags, though. A person can only be _just missed_ so many times without causing suspicion.

Lucy finds the magic number when she arrives at the guild and asks if Natsu is in only to find, big surprise, she had _just missed_ her partner for the fourteenth time.

She was pissed. Disappointed, too. If Natsu had a problem he should have been able to talk to her about it. That's what friends do. Talk. And Lucy felt comfortable confiding the vast majority of her secrets in him. The trust in this relationship must be disproportionate. That realization made Lucy even more pissed.

She stalked home, crabby and tired and in the mood to eat her feelings. _Fine_. If Natsu wanted to be a jerk and give her the cold shoulder, that was his prerogative. _Lucy _certainly didn't care. _She_ didn't need him. So there. _Problem Solved_.

She flops into bed on her stomach at three in the afternoon and wakes up at ten the next morning, her makeup smeared and caked, her hair greasy and tangled and her bed disappointingly (but unsurprisingly) void of a certain pink haired salamander. Of course. He'd stopped sleeping there weeks ago. Lucy wondered what she did to make him hate her like this. She could say it didn't matter all she wanted, she knew through the anger and the grief, she missed him. Desperately.

* * *

><p>End of week one and Lucy was fearing her happiness slump would never end. She was lonely. There was no getting around it. Natsu was MIA and Levy had been spending less and less time with her and more with Gajeel (Which was also starting to make her suspicious. Was <em>everyone<em> hiding something?). Lucy was left to her own devices for the better portion of every day.

When she finally managed to sit the bookworm down to get an outside opinion on the Natsu situation she seemed unsurprised.

"It's because he's in love with you. Duh."

Lucy's about to ask how _avoiding her completely_ suggests love when Levy speaks again, "I mean, it's so obvious that you two adore one another, I don't know why you guys don't just man up and bone already."

"_Levy_!" Lucy chides. She blushes a furious red, "Why do I tell you anything? Like, ever?"

Levy laughs, "Because our friendship is unconditional."

Lucy slumps forward and smashes the heel of her palms into her eyes, trying to flush out the last vestiges of her embarrassment. She sighs, "_What am I gonna do?_"

Levy watched her friend for a moment. She worried her bottom lip in her teeth. She threw a cautious look to Gajeel, who's watching her from across the hall. Could she tell Lucy? Was that even allowed in the dragon rule-book? "I think..." she begins carefully, "I think it's a _dragon_ thing."

"Like finding Igneel?" Lucy's eyes widened.

"Uhm..." Levy glances at Gajeel again, he shakes his head in warning. Sometimes she hated that super hearing of his. "Like, more of a _nature_ issue."

"So, like, hibernation," Lucy said. That sounded pretty ridiculous, even to her.

Levy bites her lip again. She knew what was up. Gajeel was _really_ bad at keeping secrets from her. She kind of wished she didn't know, because while she didn't want to ruin Natsu's guise she didn't want to leave Lucy in the dark. "It's biological."

Lucy frowns, "C'mon, Levy, just explain what you mean already."

"Well, you know how baby's are made?"

Lucy gasps, "_Mavis, _is Natsu in _heat_? Do they do that? Is that-"

"No, no, no," Levy said, waving away the idea quickly," he's just..."

"Has he got a girl?"

Levy sighs, "It's-"

Before she can finish her thought, Gajeel has lifted her out of her seat and hoisted her unceremoniously over his shoulder, "That's enough, Shrimp."

And then they were gone. And then Lucy was alone. Again.

_And Natsu had a girl._

* * *

><p>Lucy spent the next day moping around her apartment soaking in self pity. The day after that she realized how stupid she was being. Why should Natsu get to make her feel crappy just because <em>some girl<em> was more important to him than her. Ridiculous.

She decided she was done feeling sorry for herself and ready to be sunny-Lucy again. Happiness-slump be damned.

She slipped into her favorite sundress, fixed her hair the way she liked it and got her makeup on _just right_ and she walked out the door with her chest out and shoulders back and head held high. And she felt better. And she was not going to think about Natsu for a while.

She wandered the city aimlessly for a while, enjoying the stares she was getting. She'd forgotten what a little attitude in your step could do to boys. It was a nice little ego stroke.

_You are confident_, she thinks, _ you are happy_.

So she is. That is, until she arrived at the guild only to be greeted with the news that Natsu was leaving on a three week mission in the mountains that evening. Speculations and rumors were flying. Natsu was never away for that long unless he had a _very_ good reason.

But Lucy knew what this was about. He was running away with that girl of his. He was leaving Lucy behind.

Who even was this girl? Had Natsu been hiding her from Lucy? They couldn't have been having a steamy love affair without _someone _finding out. _So the entire guild had turned on Lucy to keep Natsu's lover a secret from her._

Wait. No. That was even more ridiculous than the notion of Natsu even having a secret girlfriend.

But regardless of what her crazy imagination was spewing out, something was up. And Lucy was going to find out what.

She left the guild within five minutes of her arrival, deciding that Natsu wasn't just going to _abandon_ her without getting an earful of furious ranting first. She stared off in the direction of his house. He was going to listen, then he was going to explain himself. Lucy would make sure.

**AN: In honor of back to school, here it is: chapter two. Short, short, chapter two, after a very long wait *bows apologetically*. Sorry that Natsu and Lucy didn't really interact in this chapter, but next one will involve angry confrontation, so stay tuned if you'd like! Reviews are love! Thanks for reading!**


	3. Flame

He catches her scent on the wind as he hurries home to pick up a few things before leaving, and he thinks he's just imagining it because its so close it can't be real. He must be going crazy. If he wasn't crazy from the moment he met Lucy, then he sure is now. Which is exactly why he needs to leave. Crazy and dragon slayer magic? Not a safe mix.

He should have noticed as soon as he neared his house, but his mind was on other things. A lot of other things. Anything but her. So he didn't notice until it was too late.

"Natsu!" he almost winces as she shrieks and he has to blink a few times to make sure this isn't another wild fantasy. Because boy is she pretty when she's glaring like that.

"_Lucy,_" it leaves his lips in a reverent desperation. He nearly chokes on all feeling festering and bubbling and burning in the name.

"_What are you doing_?" she looks livid. Lucy doesn't get angry often, but when she does, she's angry to her core.

Natsu stiffens, bracing himself for a fit of screams which, if he's being honest with himself, he probably deserves anyway.

She glares at him and glares at him and glares at him, rallying all the anger from the past month and readying an arsenal of slurs that would have made her father weep. How dare he avoid her. How dare he keep secrets like this. How dare he leave her behind. She channels the rage.

She breaths in, ready to lay into the salamander, but all that slips out is a feeble sigh.

"What are you doing?" It's lost all of it's fire. Sad-Lucy has resurfaced.

And it nearly breaks Natsu in two. He wants to pull her into him and warm her up and hide her away from all the bad things in the world. And what _is _he doing, anyway? It must be something wonderfully awful to make Lucy look so exhausted.

Oh. Right. He's leaving. Well shit.

"Lucy, I-"

She looks up at him expectantly, and he realizes that he's got nothing to say. How could he possibly explain himself. Everything feels so cloaked in secret at this point he has no idea where to even begin. He can't bring the truth out. The truth is too much.

"Everyone at the guild says you're leaving for a while. They say you've got some girl you want to run away with."

"Lucy, you don't actually think-"

"I don't know what I think anymore. I haven't talked to you in forever. Haven't even seem you in ages. Natsu, I can't even begin to think what you've been up to, so yeah, maybe you've got a girl, for all I know. I haven't got any evidence to disclaim that."

And fuck she's right. He's been absent for a while now. For too long.

"There's no girl," is all he can manage. May as well knock that one out first.

"Fine," Lucy says, "Then why have you been avoiding me?"

When he can't draw up an answer she stands up straight and starts walking. For a moment he thinks she's walking to him and he almost shivers in the proximity, but she brushes past him and keeps going. Before he can stop himself he's grabbed her arm and hauled her into his arms, curling around her so he can bury his face in her neck and breathe her in. He'll tell her everything, anything she wants, just so long as she doesn't walk away.

He's surprised at himself for so how long hes managed to hold himself back, how real and right Lucy feels in his arms. Like home. Like belonging.

She's unnaturally stiff and Natsu takes a few moment to breathe, his breath warm on her skin as he exhales. Is she scared? Angry?

Natsu swallows before beginning, "Y'know what? I lied, there is a girl," he closes his eyes, "You."

* * *

><p>How he got her to come inside is a mystery unto itself. How he got her to sit down and listen to his crappy explanation must be a miracle.<p>

They're on the couch, Lucy as far away as she can possibly get, pressed against the armrest and watching Natsu with a viscous caution that cuts him to his soul. But she's here. And she's going to listen.

"I never really thought about it before I met you. It didn't really seem like something that would happen to me. But then we met and it was kind of like a getting hit with a sack of bricks and I don't even remember how it felt to be alive before then."

"Glad to see our meeting was such a wonderful experience for you," she rolls her eyes.

"No. I mean, yeah, it happened really fast, but it was a nice feeling. Warm."

"Why didn't you tell me right off the bat?"

"We had just met. What was I supposed to say, 'hey I'm Natsu, you're my mate. Wanna go make some babies?'" he shakes his head, "I didn't want to scare you off. And then we were at the guild and by the time things had slowed down it felt like the wrong time to tell you. And then we started getting close and everything about it was wrong.

They'd have to talk about that later. For now, "Why haven't you been talking to me?"

He sighs, not knowing how to phrase this. It's kind of scary, from an objective standpoint. Everything he wants to say sounds like he has some sort of creepy obsession with her. He doesn't want Lucy to think he's creepy obsessed. Even though he kind of is. "Well, it was warm in the beginning, but then it started to _burn_. And I..." he runs a hand through his hair, gripping at the pink spikes like he might just rip them out, "_wanted_ you. I still do, sometimes. And not just like _that._ I want you away from everything. I-" he stops to collect himself. It's pretty obvious he's creepy obsessed. "I didn't know what I might do, if I might hurt you."

She frowns down at her lap, her neatly crossed legs. She looks a lot of things, hurt, angry, confused. She looks a lot of things that he doesn't like, even if he caused them. "Natsu. I don't know how to feel about this. You could have at least _told _me why you vanished like that. Or why you were about to leave." She's not so sure if she should use past tense on his leaving, still not sure where they stand on the whole abandoning her deal.

"I thought it would be easier if I just stayed away for a while. I thought you would be safer like that. But it got harder. Really hard. And I didn't want to hurt you, Lucy, I never want to do that."

"So you just thought you'd run away. Without telling me anything."

"I didn't want to risk getting that close to you."

Her palm flattens against the side of her neck and Natsu's fingers clench uncomfortably, wanting to take her hand in his and smooth all of the tenseness out of her knuckles. "But you're right next to me right now," she notes with a tinge of accusation.

"It ... changes. Right now I'm okay, but there have been times when I've barely been able to..." his eyes darken with the memories.

There's a rattling at the window and Happy flies in, back from his farewell to Charle, landing between the two on the couch. Lucy stands abruptly, feeling that the time for confrontation has passed. She has some thinking to do.

"I don't know, Natsu. I can't sort through all this right now. I have to go."

He watches her as she leaves with long, shivering strides, feels her presence disappear into the night as she sprints away, and Natsu is left alone, feeling like everything Lucy said has left a gaping hole in him.

"What happened?" Happy wonders timidly. He must have seen how upset Lucy was, if not the context of her emotions.

He runs his hands through his mussed hair, letting out an agonized groan.

"I messed up. Big time."

* * *

><p>Does she even have a right to be angry at this point? Everything's out on the table now, she supposes, and in Natsu's defense, it seemed like he was thinking for his benefit. From what she gleaned from his choppy explanation, mating seemed like a dangerous game. Mating. Mate. There was something in her that was repulsed by the idea. It sounded brutal. But there was another part of her that was insatiably curious.<p>

Lucy sits at her table, carton of ice-cream half eaten and melting, trying to sort through everything. _Is_ she still mad? She doesn't even know anymore. She doesn't know how to feel.

On one hand, she appreciates that he values her safety. On the other, he didn't have to be such an asshat about it. And that's not even throwing in the reason behind it. _Mate_? What does that mean? What does that change between them? They obviously can't keep going on like they had before. But what changes, then? She can't be angry at him for _that, _she knows. It's not his fault, after all. But can she about the lies and avoidance?

Natsu had definitely crossed some lines keeping this from her. And Lucy is definitely not happy about that. But he'd come clean with her in the end. But only when she'd confronted him.

She scoops out some melted rocky-road and keeps eating. Everything is a mess. She still doesn't know how to feel.

* * *

><p>She has every right to be mad. He knows that. He should have seen it earlier but he was torn between keeping her at a distance and potentially harming her. He didn't want any possibility of her getting hurt.<p>

But now everything is falling apart and it's his fault, and boy does he feel like a dick. A dick that misses his mate like crazy. Staying away from her for so long was enough to drive him insane, but having to watch her walk out, walk away from him? He feels about ready to explode.

He lays alone on the couch (Happy is out again, probably with Charle. Natsu'd have to ask about that later), staring up at the ceiling and thinking through a way out of this mess, when it happens again. And he doesn't miss it this time. He bolts up and sprints for the door.

Lucy shows up unannounced again, two days after their talk, looking careful and cautious as she walks up the dirt pathway to his house. Natsu has thrown open the door before she even has a chance to knock.

"Lucy," he says, shaken and nervous and awed by her presence, "um, hi."

"Natsu."

"Are you- what are you-"

She tucks a strand of golden sunshine hair behind her ear and shrugs, "I think I get it," she says, "What you were trying to do by keeping your distance. And I think I forgive you."

A wave of tension leaves his shoulders. "So..."

"So I'm going to give you a chance," she reaches for his hand, in a vice grip on the door frame, and he yields instantly when she takes it and wraps her slender fingers carefully, oh so carefully around his own, and wow does that feel good and right and perfect, "And you're going to explain again. Everything."

* * *

><p><strong>Long an: Wow, that took a looong time. I'm super sorry for the huge wait! My excuse is school, which has been absolutely crazy lately. This probably absolutely sucks, but I wanted to get it posted before november because I probably won't be publishing another chapter at least until nanowrimo is over. Some of you may have noticed the tense shift, and I think I'm going to keep writing in present for a while, just because that's easier to me. I want to mention that though this is rated T now, it seems to be in the stars that it will end up M. This is a mate fic after all. If enough people don't like that, then I'll keep things tame, but this is just a warning, in case anyone wants to jump ship while they have the chance. That won't be for a while, though. Again, I'm sorry for the wait. Also if this has been a disappointment. Reviews are love! Thanks so much to those who have already done so! I'll see you all next chapter!<strong>


	4. burn

She kind of can't believe it. But in her defense, it's kind of unbelievable. It's late into the night by the time Natsu has finished relaying all the intell on dragon mates he has, and its an awkward, quiet shuffle to the finish line. She still has questions, but he doesn't have a whole lot of answers, which is easily forgiven. There are a lot of unknowns in their lives.

"So what does this mean for us?" she asks finally, seated on the opposite end of the couch again. It's more for her own anxiousness this time, rather than to spite him. She's past that petty kind of distance. For now, at least.

He shrugs, like it doesn't matter, leaning back into the cushions with arms folded across his chest. But his words still make her blush, "It means I love you forever."

She can't collect herself enough to form a coherent response, just sits there, a stuttering, blushing mess. He saves her from herself by speaking again, "Hey, at least your mate is a dragon. It could have been somethin' gross, like a toad."

She laughs, despite herself, and he grins with his canines, wide and bright, like he used to, and things are easier from there. They deteriorate into mindless chatter, smiling and poking fun and catching up on all the things they'd missed while he was being and idiot and she was being angsty. By morning, the space on the couch is gone, and she's asleep with her head against his shoulder and his arm around her and he feels content to stay like this forever.

Usually his mornings are fraught with restless energy. He wakes in a sweat, searching his bed for a body to cling to, reaching out for someone too far away and he starts his day racked with longing. But today is different. Today is the start of something new.

She wakes and peels her cheek off his skin, wiping at her eyes and trying to swallow the cottony taste in her mouth. She blinks, confused, at first, until her sleepy gaze lands on him. She smiles, the new sun casting her golden hair in a halo of light as she reaches a hand up to squeeze his arm. It's moments like this that make him believe in miracles.

"Good morning," she murmurs.

He grins sloppily back, pressing his forehead against hers and pulling her in closer, closer. "Yeah," he returns, "It is."

* * *

><p>Things are normal, almost. As normal as things can be for two people like Natsu and Lucy in a place like Fairy Tail. The most noticeable change is in their party etiquette.<p>

Things start to get a little crazy and the booze starts flowing by the barrel, but Lucy sticks to juice, even at the expense of Cana's frequent teasing. She knows herself well enough to know that she's a bit of a handsy drunk, and she'd rather be safe than sorry after the development with her dragon slayer.

The guild loses its communal sobriety as the night wears on, and Lucy finds out that drunk humor isn't as funny without the alcohol at the same time she finds out that its kind of boring being the only sober one. When Levy starts into her third long winded story of the night, her eyes instinctively seek out Natsu. He looks up, as if he sensed her gaze on him, and gives her a beaming smile. She notices the absence of any drink around him, and thinking back on it, she realizes he'd stopped drinking a while ago.

She slips away from her table unnoticed. She can't blame the others for having fun, but after the fourth or fifth round, the enthralling stories are starting to sound more like gibberish and Natsu's grin is way too inviting to pass up. He starts speaking as soon as she's seated next to him.

"Man, these guys are loud," he says just above the roar, "I don't know why they all have to yell. Everything they have to say is bullshit anyway."

Gray, seated on his opposite side, turns around at that, "What'd you say, punk?" he demands.

"I said everything you say is shit," Natsu returns.

Gray just blinks at him, before turning back around, Natsu's words completely unregistered. Lucy and him share a laugh, leaning in to poke fun at the craziness around them.

"Can we take a walk?" Lucy says after a while, wincing as Elfman takes a dive off one of the tables, "It's getting a little weird in here."

Natsu stands and grabs her hands to pull her up, keeping one of them as he leads her through the crowd. She smiles gratefully up at him when they get outside. The cool night air feels nice one her flushed skin, but she doesn't let go of Natsu's overly-warm hand. They walk in silence for a while, enjoying the peace of the sleeping city outside of the party. She's so lost in thought, she doesn't realize where he's leading her until they're outside her house. For a moment, she considers inviting him in, but seeing him shift so uncomfortably at the sight of the building, she decides against it.

They stare at each other for a moment longer, feeling as though something is unfinished with this night. Lucy reaches up, tentative at first, before she steps in and wraps her arms around him, sighing when he returns the gesture. "I've missed you," she tells him, head rested on his chest.

He gives her a squeeze, "Me too."

She leans back to meet his eyes, and there's something intense and warm in them. She wants to kiss him. He pulls back quickly, running a hand through his hair, "Well," he says gruffly, "G'night, then."

She smiles, and it feels like letting go for now, "Goodnight, Natsu."

* * *

><p>It's raining again, and she can see the water come off his body in curling steam under the downpour. It's their first mission together in what feels like a lifetime. He's breathing hard, staring at her with battle-crazed eyes. He looks wild, jaw clenched, body prone. Like a feral animal. She thinks she understands why people have always feared dragons.<p>

They'd almost died. It seems like that should be expected by now, but they'd almost died and the fact that they're still standing feels like a fluke. Her body trembles, waves of fear and adrenaline still surging under her skin. She reaches out for him and he's there in a second, holding onto her with so much strength it doesn't even matter when her knees give out because he'll support her.

She tilts her head up to look at him, just to make sure he's still there, with her. And he leans in. It happens just like that, wounded, with hearts beating too fast, still high from the fight. He pulls her closer closer closer, so he can feel her warmth, her skin, her life. So he can lick and nip and suck and feel every shiver in response. And its just a kiss in the rain, just for the reassurance that they're both still standing. But it doesn't taste like _almost dead_. It tastes like, _yes_ and like _thank you_. It tastes like _finally_.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I honestly thought I was going to delete this entire story. I don't know how I feel about writing this anymore, and this is kind of a crappy way to get back into it. It's been a REALLY long time since the last update, over a year, I think. But idk... I have a real big soft spot for this story, so here we are. Thank you so much for sticking around, if you have. You're all superstars. As always, reviews are love <strong>


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